Written by John_L
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Thursday, 4 October 2012

image for 'Evil' Bert goes after Romney
Mitt Romney in Bert's sights.

Bert from Sesame Street has gone to ground after vowing to kill Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Bert was watching the first presidential debate on The Count's TV with several other residents of the street but flew into a rage when Romney stated that although he loved Big Bird he would pull funding from PBS.

Were PBS to lose it's funding the station would almost certainly close meaning the end for Sesame Street as well as other educational shows such as 'Nova' and 'History Detectives'. The move by Romney is seen as a sup to under fire Fox owner Rupert Murdoch as the loss of PBS would help him gain a news monopoly.

"I've not seen Burt fly into a rage like this since the late 70's" Bert's live in friend Ernie said in a statement. "Back then he lost a collectable bottle cap and really went mad. Only Mr Hooper could calm him down. But when Romney said he would cut the budget meaning we'd be out of a home and a job Bert just went into a rage. The Count tried to calm him by counting but that just made Bert more angry. He said all he wanted to count was extra holes in Romney's head."

Bert's connections with terrorist groups have been rumored since 2001 when a picture of him with al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden surfaced at a demonstration. One leading Kennedy assassination expert has in the past said that a man fitting Bert's description was seen on the Grassy Knoll.

"Bert is one of the most committed patriots in the country." Aging rocker Ted Nugent said on Imus in the Morning. "He must have had a breakdown. The man who should be leading us telling him that he can't save him while the Chicago Rat is saying what he wants to hear. I know what weapons Bert has and this could get nasty."

Brooklyn Police are currently hunting Bert and have told the public to steer clear as he is armed and dangerous.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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