ORGAN CAVE WV - An amazing, and controversial, discovery was revealed inside a West Virginia cave this morning. A press pool was allowed to view and photograph a series of ten cave paintings that were discovered recently. Two paintings seem to be portraits of, none other than Barack Obama, and he is wearing a robe and crown while standing before a crowd of powerless white people.
"The paintings... the paintings are of... Listen; there is no other way to say this: the paintings depict a powerful, almost God-like, President Barack Obama dressed as a king, and wearing a robe and a crown," said George Plummer, the chief archeologist.
"Prostrate before him are thousands of beaten and bloody white people."
A press conference was held at the snack bar of Organ Cave, near Richwood, a small West Virginia village. Dr. Plummer asked the assembled crowd of reporters and National Park Service Enforcement Agents to quiet down so everyone could hear what was being said.
"Before we get started, who had the two hotdogs with chili, slaw, onion, and mustard?" Your order is ready. And folks, we're going to close the snack bar for now, till we get done," Plummer said.
"According to experts, the paint has been carbon dated to 22,100 C.E +/- 10 years; and that date has caused great controversy among anthropologists and social historians because it predates the first known residents of North America by 10,000 years" Plummer told reporters.
"The paintings showing the Obama King are the oldest of the lot. There are also runes, or a type of writing usually associated with Vikings, and we're not at all certain what all of them say, but we were able to make out this phrase:
"The Obama King will come in 2009. Many will fear him. They will crown him King in 2013. He will kill all whites. That is all."
No questions were allowed following the statement.
The paintings were discovered by spelunkers exploring uncharted regions of the cavern.
This reporter will follow up on this story as soon as we can find a fiction writing specialist.