The most fair and balanced person on Fox News has delivered an astonishing verbal volley towards the mainstream media and liberal pollsters.
In his latest rant on his daily conservative propaganda juggernaut, Sean "Fairness Personified" Hannity, reckons most daily polls are fixed in favor of President Obama as a way of surpressing the conservative vote by the pollsters making it look like Governor Romney hasn't got a snowballs chance in hell of winning therefore conservatives won't bother showing up at the polls.
Hannity got this idea from the most undoubtedly impartial people who guest on his show, Dick "More cake please" Morris and Karl "I love you Dubya" Rove. Rove was able to prove it's true by writing it on his little whiteboard of truth. This proves beyond any doubt that it must be true as everyone knows the whiteboard will not allow lies to be written on it.
This theory is so brilliant it has been put in the "Big Book Of Brilliant Theories 2012."
Hannity, who claims the entire mainstream media are in the bag for the incumbent President while himself behaving like Romneys personal cheerleader, has already compiled a list of reasons for a Romney loss in November.
"If Romney loses it'll probably be because Obama has personally rigged every ballot box in the country. I heard from a reliable source, myself, that Obama had ordered all precincts which normally go in the Republicans favor to be bombed the day before the election. He'll then blame it on George W. Bush," said a sensible Hannity.
After wiping the foam away from around his uneven mouth, he continued, "I shall be spending every waking minute until the election proving without any doubt that everything is a liberal conspiracy. Hopefully this will ensure that all conservatives get out and vote for that beautiful man Governor Mitt Romney."
Accusations of hypocrisy haven't bothered Hannity. When we suggested to him that he was just as bad as the likes of MSNBC and therefore a part of the problem with the media, he told us simply, "I don't care. My so called bad behaviour is justifiable because of their bad behaviour."
Wise words I'm sure you'll agree. If your insane.
After popping outside to shout at a liberal, Hannity returned to give us one last comment, but not before kissing his poster of Mitt Romney and telling it "everything will be ok my darling."
"My disciples, sorry, viewers, won't be fooled by the skewed polls. They're just like me in every way. They even have the same haircut as me, every one of them, even my bald viewers are purchasing Hannity style wigs so they can be more like me. They'll do anything I tell them to do because I am a genius of epic proportions and everything I say is as true as the words of God. Damn it! Did I just say that out loud?"
If the Presidential election goes Romneys way, Hannity, who always tells liberals to stop blaming Bush for the financial problems in the country, will continue to blame Obama for everything while Romney is in office.