WINNEMUCCA, Nevada - Mitt Romney was in Winnemucca, the town that the Paiute Indians named and which means place where bison frolick with wild stallions and look silly as the dickens.
"Old Mittens" confided to his GOP campaign spokesperson Cooter "Bubba" Ficklefarker that he is concerned that he may become so upset, angry, and frustrated with President Obama that he fears he will lose it and implode in front of the national viewing audience.
Ficklefarker told him to count to ten if the president makes any remarks, comments, or jokes about his hairdo.
Romney is extremely sensitive when it comes to his hair and he especially hates it when ABC, CBS, NBC, and CNN refer to him as the Hairdo Dude.
He pointed out that the FOX network has never called him Hairdo Dude, even though on two different occasions they did call him Pompadour Boy.
The former governor of the little bitty state of Massachusetts also pointed out that he hopes that the president does not make fun of his Boston accent or his love for the Boston Red Sox who currently have a lowly record of 61-91.
SIDENOTE: An unnamed inside source stated that Paul "Little Bunny Foo Foo" Ryan texted Romney and advised him to be sure and take plenty of deep breaths. Romney reportedly texted him back and simply wrote "Shut the eff up, Skippy."