SACRAMENTO CA (ABSNN) - Within minutes of being signed into state law, California's Senate Bill 1112, that bans licensed therapists from attempting, by any method, to cure "gender confusion issues" in underage gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender boys and girls, was in danger of being repealed by Proposition 69: the Cure the Queers State constitutional amendment.
"If a majority of California voters pass "Prop 69" in November's General election, all licensed therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and aroma therapists will be forced to use 'whatever methods are necessary to cure kid queers,' including, but not limited to: waterboarding, ECT, electrodes to the nuts (for males) electrodes to the nipples (for females) and carnival hypnosis," said Markey DE Sade, the California State Tea Party guru who got Prop 69 placed upon the ballot.
"There is an epidemic of kid queers in California, and we God-fearing Christians are gonna end it, our way," opined DE Sade.
"Pastors, family therapists, and Roman Catholic priests are authorized to use exorcism, however dangerous to put these faggots right. And, if the poufy kid dies, the poufy kid dies," DE Sade told thespoof.com's Religion Reporter, Fr. Francois Dubois, S.J.
Dubois, a homophobic, gay Jesuit who underwent years of aversion therapy in an unsuccessful bid to cure his own sexual peccadillos, questioned the idea that GLBT youth are actually ill at all, or can be "cured." He asked:
"How can these barbaric 'therapies' possibly end gender confusion, Mr. DE Sade? Do you not fear the emotional turmoil and attached stigma might push many GLBT children to suicide?"
"That is exactly the point, Father Dubois! The more of those faggots that kill themselves, the fewer faggots there are left to screw up the American family; and it's far more likely that the remaining queers will either get straight, or die, die, die!. We call it Scared Straight!"
Yes, well, as always, thespoof.com will keep you abreast of this breaking news story.