Philadelphia, PA-- A mean trick played on an elderly English teacher by her students has left the lonely spinster decapitated. Police sources say Miss Vicky Smegma was killed after she ran into the propeller blades of a helicopter last night at the airport. Police blame Facebook for the bizarre incident.
Miss Smegma was an English teacher at the local high school. No one liked her. All of her students laughed at her behind her back and would sometimes throw things at her during class. All of the other teachers thought she was a weirdo and would laugh right in her face. The only pleasure she had in life was spending many hours on Facebook everyday.
Last month, Miss Smegma received a friend request on Facebook from someone she didn't know. The mysterious gentleman wrote that he 'found her attractive'. His name was J. Alfred Prufrock.
Miss Smegma responded, and a casual friendship soon developed. They eventually exchanged e-mail addresses, and the friendship bloomed into something more.
Miss Smegma thought she had met the love of her life. Over the course of a month, Miss Smegma and Mr. Prufrock became very intimate. Miss Smegma confided in Mr. Prufrock that she was still a virgin at 64 years of age. Mr. Prufrock advised Miss Smegma 'to loosen up' and to send him nude photos of herself.
Miss Smegma then sent hundreds of nude photos to Mr. Prufrock. She also sent him many pornographic stories about her passion for bondage.
Mr. Prufrock then proposed marriage. He told Miss Smegma to buy a wedding gown and meet him at the airport terminal. From there they would fly to New York City for a fantasy honeymoon.
Miss Smegma was so excited! She put on a white wedding gown with a veil and went to the airport to meet her beloved.
Curios bystanders looked with amusement as Miss Smegma walked through the airport terminal in her wedding gown. Some were doing much more than looking--they were laughing at her. They were her students from the local high school and they had set her up! The students all whipped out their I-phones and began recording the panic stricken Miss Smegma.
The students told Miss Smegma there was no J. Alfred Prufrock, and they also told her she was a fool. One of the students showed Miss Smegma a nude picture of herself. Another student began reciting one of Miss Smegma's letters about her attraction to bondage.
Something in Miss Smegma's brain snapped. She ran away screaming from the laughing students. She ran outside the terminal just as a helicopter was landing and was instantly beheaded by its spinning propellers!
"She deserved it." said one of Miss Smegma's students. "She made us read T. S. Eliot."