COW PATTY, IOWA (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney attmpted to show farmers he was one of them at a dairy farm in this small Iowa village Saturday morning. It didn't turn out well for the Republican nominee. He was injured while "milking" a bull that was isolated in a pasture on the farm of John Dawson.
"We was standing around waiting for Romney to show up and talk to us about farm prices and stuff," said Dawson.
"Well, along comes this big ole motorcade with 20 cops on cycles and 6 big ole limos. They screeched to a halt, throwing up a bunch of dust in the air, and out jumps Mitt Romney dressed up like a rodeo clown," the farmer said.
"He had on a bright red fright wig, round red nose, white face paint, polka dotted shirt and overalls with a bright red kerchief hanging out a back pocket. Oh, and a milk pail in his hand."
What happened next is a matter of conjecture. Some witnesses said Romney leaped over the fence but couldn't tell that the bull was a bull, and not a cow, due to the dust. Others witnesses said things we can't repeat in a family publication such as this.
"Ya see, the dust was bad, like I said. And ole Mitt, well he put that pail right under ole Oscar, that's my bull, Oscar. And he reached right under him and grabbed his nut-sack and started yanking on Oscar's balls."
Witnesses claim Dawson yelled at Romney not to squeeze Oscars nuts, but Romney either did not hear the warning or ignored the warning.
"He gave Oscars nuts a big ole yank and Oscar jumped about ten feet into the air, and started kicking to beat the band. Caught ole Mitt right under the chin and sent him a-flying 75 yards at least" said Dawson.
Romney was taken to a nearby animal hospital where he is listed in guarded condition. His jaw was set by a veternarian and he was neutered for free.