Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Topics: Mitt Romney

Friday, 21 September 2012

Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney arranged another quickie press conference in the hopes to clear the air about his past.

"It's come to my attention that the Blame-media hasn't done it's research and is letting some creep get away with an outrageous act of animal cruelty that pales beside my own. I took a lot of guff and worldwide contemot for tying my faithful dog, Sheamus, to the roof of my car as I drove him and my family across country on a vacation. He enjoyed it! He was yelping happily all the way! All 300 miles of the trip!"

Romney got to the point after that. "It's come to my attention that some guy, either Nasa Kennedy, or Nasir Kennedy, which would make him a secret muslim in my books, took his pet called 'Endea' on a piggyback ride on his vehicle all the way from Florida to California! That's a really, really long way to travel piggyback! It's gotta be over 250 miles, right? Why does this guy get a free pass and not me?! This is what happens in a socialist country!"

When I spoke up and suggested that perhaps Romney got the facts wrong he challenged me.

"No, no, no, no, no, no! I'm right! I'm right-wing and that makes me right! What part did I get wrong?"

When I suggested that Romney misunderstood the recent news story of how it was the Space Shuttle Endeavour that was flown piggyback on an airliner to transport it from Kennedy Space Center in Florida to a museum in California, the Republican nominee turned white and replied,

"Oh. Okay. Um. Yea. Never mind. JOBS! JOBS! JOBS! ROMNEY 2012"

Romney's next press conference is scheduled for next week, sometime between Monday at 8am and Monday at 8:30am, depending on when he actually listens to someone that isn't another rich guy running for President.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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