Written by bob42
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Topics: Mitt Romney

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) After last week's leak of a Mitt Romney fundraiser speech that insulted nearly half of all voters by repeating a popular but fallacious far-right wing talking point, the campaign suffered another blow yesterday when a memo containing a list of potential cabinet level appointments was inadvertently posted on the Romney 2012 web site.

Romney campaign spokeschicken Foghorn Leghorn immediately held an emergency press conference to explain that while accurate, the memo had been pulled from the web site until all of the potential appointees had made additional and substantial monetary contributions to the campaign, which is struggling under a $10 Million deficit.

Among the Romney cabinet members listed in the memo are:

  • Secretary of State: Sarah Palin
  • Secretary of Homeland Security: Michelle Bachmann
  • Secretary of Defense: Ann Coulter
  • Secretary of Education: Rick Santorum
  • Secretary of Health and Human Services: Christine O'Donnell
  • Secretary of Energy: Former British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward
  • Attorney General: Orly Taitz

The leaked memo also detailed plans to merge the Drug Enforcement Agency, the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and Immigration and Naturalization Services into a single department. The new department would be headed by Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

When reached for comment, the always-colorful Arpaio expressed his excitement about the new job by saying, "I will not rest until every single dope smoking hippie in the country is living in one of my tent cities wearing pink underwear and eating green balogna, and all of the brown ones are deported back to Mexico where they belong.

Disappointed in Arpaio's appointment, Texas Pastor/Governor Dick Hairy reiterated his promise that regardless of the outcome of the presidential race, he would still lead Texas to secede from the union and form its own country, to be named "Jesusland."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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