SEAL TEAM I BASE, CORONADO CA (ABSNN) - President Barack Obama has ordered US Navy SEAL Team I to "get Romney, no matter the cost in innocent lives."
LT Josh Ning, PAO at the SEAL Base in Coronado, California, told reporters Saturday afternoon that Obama's orders had been relayed to the Team through the SECDEF Leon Panetta via a secure Teleconference call.
"Your orders are simple and to the point: Get Romney and bring the President his head. You have ten days," Panetta told the SEALS.
LT Ning stated the Team answered, "CAN DO, SIR!"
"This time, the SEAL Team will operate with journalists embedded within the strike force," Panetta told reporters. "No individual SEAL will be allowed to write a book," he said. "You reporters will write the book."
"The Operational Plan (OP) is quite simple," according to military historian Oliver North.
"The Department of Defense has already seen to it that Romney would consume vast quantities of Caffine Free Coke. That Coke was laced with Aluminiumomin 297 which migrated to his lips and can be detected by satellite. When we have a clear fix on Romney and the entire Republican Campaign Committee, we'll send in the SEALS with WMD's. They will all die," North said.
Panetta claims that "a few innocent civilians will likely perish in the attacks." But he also told reporters "getting Romney is worth a few hundred dead Mormons."
Romney was contacted by reporters and told them he "wasn't worried."
"I have the Mormon Mafia (the FBI) on my side."
One wonders if Governor Romney is aware the FBI is controlled by Attorney General Eric Holder?