CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - NASA managers are astounded, behooved and perturbed since crack was found on the space shuttle Discovery.
Inspectors found crack in a plastic bag on a clipboard used to take in-flight notes.
Officials said they needed more time to evaluate the discovery on the Discovery. They planned to meet again soon to decide whether to find out how the hard drug got onto the vehicle.
The space agency's engineers believe crack was put on the shuttle by "someone evil," meaning that it was not placed there to be used by astronauts.
"Why would these guys want to get high when they get higher than anyone on Earth?" said a public relations man for NASA who once wrote thirteen rejected slogans for Coca-Cola advertising campaigns. "And of all things, crack? I could understand pot, you know? You take a couple hits, look down at Earth and go, 'Wow, man, that is far out,' and then you get back to the detailed scientific work needed to keep the Discovery in space. But crack? It doesn't make sense. It had to have been put there by someone wanting to make us all look bad."
The plastic bag holding the crack was a Nifty-brand bag. A representative of the Nifty company said, "We have no statement other than to say that we do not condone the use of our bags for illegal drugs and we emphasize that they should not be used as condom replacements or be put over the heads of kittens and puppies, who could suffocate easily."
NASA technicians plan to be sure none of the crack got into Discovery's power system.
"We want to make sure none of the crack got into Discovery's power system," said a shuttle tank manager.
The astronauts scheduled to be on the next shuttle flight were told of the find.
One said, "Huh?"
Another indicated that he once tried mushrooms but knew nothing of crack.
Another astronaut said, "If I would have been born sooner, I might have been the first man on the moon. It would have been better for history, because my name is not Neil. The first man on the moon should never have been named Neil."
Another astronaut said, "Crack is lethal stuff, all right. You won't find it available in the general store of my home town in the Midwest."
Another astronaut said, "I can breathe underwater. Really."
NASA officials claim that it may not have been an inside job, even though their security is tight. One official said, "Perhaps someone figured out how to make himself invisible and walked right past security?"