TORNADO WV (ABSNN) - President Barack Obama revealed his "abnormal fear of clowns," a fear that he's suffered since early childhood. The President revealed this in a Beer Pong interview with Fr. Francois Dubois, S.J. at the Jesuit Convent of the Queer.
The President told Dubois he had been frightened at age two by "some Shriners in a tiny car that crashed into my family during a parade in Jakarta."
"So, I am afraid of clowns, always have been," said the President. "I think that is why I am afraid of what might happen during the first debate with Republican Mitt Romney."
Obama stated in yesterday's interview that if Mitt Romney showed up for their first televised debate in clown costume and make up, "I'm outta there!"
Aides to the President told ABSNN that they were considering several tactics to help the incumbent President to deal with a sneak clown attack upon the President.
"We are trying desensitivity training by showing the President photographs and video tapes of Bozo the Clown, but we must admit it isn't working out for us too well,"said one aide, Emmett Kelly (We thought he was dead).
"We sneak up on the President and flash poster sized photographs of Bozo at carefully chosen, private moments of office times," said Kelly. "Unfortunately, the President always jumps up and runs screaming and crying out of his office and into the Rose Garden."
On five separate occasions recently, Secret Service agents have had to extract the cowering President from beneath Mrs. Truman's prized American Beauty rosebushes, according to the Protection Detail.
"I only have five and a half weeks to overcome this serious problem. I mean, it isn't as if I'm not already dealing with clowns on a daily basis," the President told Dubois.
"It's just the scary ones in costumes and makeup (and the Shriners in the tiny cars) that get to me," the President said.
"Mitt Romney was informed of this and fully intends to take advantage of the Presient's fear of clowns in costume," said aides to the Republican candidate.
Romney issued this statement this morning: "No man can be the leader of the free world if he is afraid of clowns. This admission on the part of Barack Obama further illustrates that he is unfit for high office. How dare he suggest that I was driving the clown car that struck his family during that parade. I was, in fact, two cars back in the circle."
"Romeny fully intends to arrive at the debates in his stretch-clown car, and in full clown costume and make up," said his campaign people.
"While that car and get-up may well scare the President, we doubt the American public will know, or see, any difference in Romney," said the President's handlers.