This morning Mitt Romney held what he described as his last press conference of the presidential campaign. He explained his decision: "I'd tell you my plans for the country but you'd just get all pissy anyway," said Romney. "All you would do is pick, pick, pick. America doesn't have time for this kind of nonsense," he paused, "and neither do I. As for the economy foreign trade, foreign policy and government regulations, I have just three words for you" he paused again, "Father knows best."
A reporter from Politico called out: "Governor, what about the women's issues?
Romney: "I'm glad you asked" he paused, "it is for the last time I might add. The women should not worry their pretty little heads," he chuckled and added, "because me Tarzan, you Jane." Several groans were heard emanating from the press corps and one female journalist tried to throw a shoe at the podium but was restrained by colleagues.
A reporter from the New York Times stood up and asked hesitantly, "Governor, Wish I may, wish I might, can I ask my last question of the season?"
"Sure," answered Romney with a smile.
Reporter: "What about the debates?"
Romney: "I am looking forward to the debates with great anticipation. I can't wait to face that empty chair so I can give the colored guy a piece of my mind. It will be, you know, like being on Fox News!"
Reporter: "Empty chair? That's never been done before in the entire history of our country"
Romney replied: "Worked for Clint!"