RENO, Nevada - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into Reno where he spoke at the home of millionaire casino chip manufacturer Coltrane "Moneybags" Chickweister.
Romney told the crowd estimated to be in the high 40s that when he moves into the White House he promises that he will not add Jacuzzis in every bedroom as the supermarket tabloid Say What? has written in its latest edition.
"Old Mittens" was asked what he is doing to try and court the Hispanic vote which is presently leaning about 93 percent towards President Obama.
Romney stated that he understands the power of the Hispanic voters and for that reason he has enrolled in an Internet Conversational Spanish program.
He noted that after just one lesson he has already learned the Spanish words burritos, Taco Belle, and Eva Longoria.
Romney, who is still refusing to release his income tax records, stated that he is having a little bit of a problem trying to correctly pronounce the Spanish phrase Montezuma's Revenge.
The Hairdo Dude, as Romney likes to be called, was asked if Paul "Lyin'" Ryan knows any Spanish. Romney let out a belly laugh and said "Lemmy tell ya. The only Spanish that Pauly knows is Pollo Loco, which means Crazy Cow."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Romney is wrong. Pollo Loco actually means Crazy Chicken.]