Written by Derrick Naylor-Made
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Friday, 7 September 2012

image for Local man 'could have sworn' John McCain was president

While watching the Democratic National Convention yesterday, local resident Artye McDaniels, 103, was confused to find that Barack Obama is the president of the United States.

"Obama is president, ya say?" A perplexed McDaniels said. "That can't be right. I could have sworn I voted for John McCain! This must be a mistake!"

McDaniels could not stop scratching his head, staring at his television set in disbelief. Though he has been living alone for the past seven years with nearly no contact with the outside world, the senior citizen said he distinctly remembers putting on his britches, brushing his teeth with baking soda, going to the local library and "casting a goddamn vote for John McCain."

Several residents in McDaniels' neighborhood have admitted their confusion at his home, which has remained decorated with McCain memorabilia and political posters long after the senator's loss to Obama in the 2008 election.

"I figured Mr. McDaniels must just be a sore loser or something," longtime neighbor Ronald Smith said, "but now I just feel bad for making fun of him. And for telling those kids to graffiti the side of his house."

McDaniels would not allow reporters to show him proof that Obama is, indeed, the president of the United States and McCain is somewhere probably dead.

"Get the hell off my property you sick bastards!" he said. "And you can count on four more years of McCain if I have anything to say about it!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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