Written by Bea Shaylee Sayers
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Thursday, 6 September 2012

image for Jesus makes a surprise appearance at the Democratic National Convention

Jesus stunned politicians with a surprise appearance and a short speech at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina, on Wednesday afternoon.

He talked about how U.S. government and politicians have to rediscover true values and support those in need.

"Rebuilding the middle class, improving healthcare, and changing immigration law is a good start, but many more social and economic reforms are needed to reestablish a strong country," said Jesus. "You also need to stop asking God for help in basically doing the job for you. I've been talking to God all my life and I know He's really tired of it. He can offer some moral support but won't push any legislation for you. The world has been given to you and you need to take full responsibility for it."

Jesus also mentioned how "improper and misguided" the debate on homosexuality and gay marriage is and how politicians use it to simply gain popularity and votes. "Believe me, whomever you sleep with doesn't define you as a human being. I'm still a virgin myself, so how would you define me?"

Reportedly, the audience was stunned into complete silence by Jesus's sudden appearance. After few minutes, security guards interrupted Jesus's speech and escorted him out of the building.

Jesus's full name is Jesus Esteban Rodriguez. He's an illegal Mexican immigrant and, as he told reporters while being removed from the building, he wants to find a job, lose virginity, get married, and have a good life in the States. Reportedly, he also suffers from schizophrenia and has been hearing voices, including the voice of God, all his life. He's been offered treatment at the undisclosed psychiatric hospital in Charlotte.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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