Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Cars, Driving, TSA

Thursday, 6 September 2012

image for Man Crashes Car into Food Stand at Airport Concourse
Ut Oh! I better get Maaco!

A Miami, Florida man smashed his car into an Einstein Brothers food stand on the second floor concourse of the Miami International Airport while parallel parking between a set of stationary tables. Fortunately there were no casualties except for the lox at the food stand as well as the hopes of anyone trying to purchase a Nova Lox & Bagel Sandwich.

The incident occurred shortly after the driver, Jerry Juiced and his Nissan Leaf, Shirley, had passed through a TSA pat down before heading to their boarding gate to depart to Electric City, Washington to recharge Shirley's batteries. According to Mr. Juiced, his GPS system sent him to Einstein Brothers on the second floor of the airport's concourse instead of Gate 5 where his flight was departing.

"I was confused", claimed the 86 year old Juiced. "I just couldn't remember having to go through a food stand to board a plane at this airport before. I mean, sure, there were a lot of obnoxious retired New Yorkers complaining about everything, but I had to be sure and ask. I tried to park Shirley between two sets of tables, but, I'm just not very good at parallel parking. Apparently, I had the car in reverse when Shirley started nagging that I didn't know what I was doing and threw the car in drive. Before you know it, I'm smashing into the food stand".

"Can you believe it! Shirley blames me for the whole thing. The worst thing about it is that my dentures ended up in Shirley's air bag and popped her bubble".

"Thank goodness no one was hurt, except for the lox, but, hell, I don't even like bagels and lox so what's the big deal?"

TSA spokesman, Freddy Feel-Em stated:

"This is just an unfortunate accident. Our TSA agents followed all protocol to ensure that both Mr. Juice and Shirley were not a threat. They both had legitimate boarding passes and were thoroughly physically molested by our agents. As a matter of fact, our agents even performed a cavity search of Shirley's trunk and found nothing dangerous or illegal".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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