Two of the nation's governors, one Republican and one Democrat, have squared off for a grueling three mile race, followed by contests in push-ups and chin-ups.
Governor Christie (R) of New Jersey was "only too pleased" to accept Governor Brown (D) of California's challenge, following Christie's remark that Brown was nothing but an "old retread."
The two contestants started the three mile run eagerly, Christie sprinting ahead, with Brown falling back, apparently pacing himself to his expectation to get to the finish line in 29 minutes.
But the big man Christie then halted for liquid and sustenance along the way, yielding valuable seconds as the gaunt Brown closed the gap. As Brown drew abreast, Christie whirled back into the race, sweat flying in a "cloudburst," according to spectators. Meanwhile, Brown's knees were heard to clack.
"This is the spirit, all right!" one spectator, claiming to be "independent," enthused. "Let's get down to what's important here instead of bothering with a lot of talk."
Another chimed in, "Isn't this wonderful? A physical challenge-a lot like high school! Or maybe elementary school? How suitable for today's politics!"
Brown and Christie were now neck and neck toward finish line and 29 minutes on the clock, although Christie had taken to lying down and rolling his body over and over along the asphalt while Brown's knees had started clacking like castanets.
"Well, then-ah ah ah ah ah-" Brown was gasping. "Next the push-ups! That'll show ya!"
"You can-ah ah ah ah ah-you can sit on my back, old man, and I'll push the both of us up so fast your head will spin!"
"Believe me, that fat ass will never get off the pavement!"
Christie rejoined, "Naaah naaah naaaah naaah naaah!"
At this moment Mitt Romney appeared in front of the contestants, holding up his hand.
"Now, gentlemen," he intoned. "We have a tie. I suggest the next step be a little more mature, as befitting the importance of our elections this year."
"Naaah naaah naaaah naaah naaah!" came out of the mouths of both Christie and Brown.
"Let's move to a debate, without fact-checkers, to see who has the most athletic tongue!"