Written by Tawdry Soup
Print this

Thursday, 30 August 2012

image for Paul Ryan Delivers Red Meat to Hungry Crackers

There are plenty of double-wide falsehoods and outright lies to dissect after watching the speech Paul Ryan delivered to the bucket of trailer trash that has become the GOP Wednesday evening. Some of the most incredible moments came when Ryan once again insisted he had to work his way up in society and was not born on third base. Then, he tried to equate his mother to Rosa Parks riding the bus across town to work. What? The wife of a lawyer who undoubtedly left them plenty of money in his estate didn't have a car? Give me a fucking break! Paul Ryan had to mow yards for a living? What? Wash dishes? Oh, brother. He was making it really hard to hold down my pasta and tuna fish I was enjoying while using my ironing board as a table.

One hilarious moment came when Ryan talked about protecting Medicare for his mother, who is another GOP rich bitch who lives in a gated community in Florida, has a personal physician, and most likely doesn't use Medicare, unless mentioning it helps her son get elected vice-president. Then Paul Ryan-who will have the best free health care in the world for the rest of his life, started wiping away alligator tears, which brought back memories of Susan Smith. You know the, "I didn't drown my kids, a black guy carjacked me and drove them in the river," lady. But in Ryan's case, it was the black guy who hijacked the country and drove it into the river. But just like Susan Smith, there seemed to be something disingenuous going on there. Like NO REAL TEARS. Maybe it's because his party is driving America in the river. And the car is stuffed full of poor, Mexican and black kids and their parents-not the rich people and their kids. They are riding in a hired car on their way to private schools and cushy jobs on Wall Street.

But the craziest moment of hollow-headed nothingness came when Ryan was describing Mitt Romney. Romney's wherewithal was introduced with a statement that once again ignored the fact Mitt Romney comes from the pig trough of wealth and connections, and is a wealthy pig himself who, if not for his connections and daddy's money, would be just another 65 year old with an underwater mortgage. Ryan, with a straight face, looked right into the camera, a la Dan Quayle, and claimed, "Mitt Romney's whole life has prepared him for this moment - to meet serious challenges in a serious way, without excuses and idle words." And then, unbelievably, as the audience sat with their mouths open, as if waiting for the 10 commandments to be issued from on high, Ryan plastered it on thick with the emptiest collection of idle words since the advertising slogan, "It Works!"

"After four years of getting the run-around, America needs a turnaround."

Right then, he swallowed his mint and gave America the biggest goober-headed grin not seen since..since...I am out of comparisons. I guess he set a new standard for goober-headed grins.

Now sated, the audience gave out a collective sigh of happy-go-lucky appreciation for Ryan's intellectual prowess, then jumped to their feet and clapped like trained seals. They were so happy that thanks to Paul Ryan there will be no more idle words and excuses.

His speech was followed by a black woman who happily came in to clean up his mess and try to put America back together, which she did with a gap-toothed smile and grace. Yep, good ol' Condoleezza Rice, who lies to your face while supporting the murder of a hundred thousand innocent people for the Zionists. The same woman who tugs at your heart strings because she couldn't eat at the Woolworth's lunch counter as a black child, doesn't even realize what she has become. She never expresses her success as a black woman who is successful as a black woman, but as a black woman who succeeded in a white man's world. Maybe she figures it's not a proud accomplishment to succeed over other black people. It's becoming a patsy for the wealthy white pigs that she considers success. This begs the question from the black community-whose voting rights are under attack from the very party in which Rice belongs, "Hey Condi, what have you done for me lately?"

But the RNC clearly knows what she is. She is the embodiment of everything they accuse Obama of being. A lying, kowtowing, unprincipled, murderous...well, you know the rest... And yes, Condoleezza, the blood of the Iraqi children is splattered all over your lying stupid face.

On another note: In an act of appreciation for her efforts, Rice was pelted with peanuts from the crowd of incorrigible crackers.

Make Tawdry Soup's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 4?

6 16 15 20
40 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more