Written by John Langlois
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Topics: Drugs, Rush Limbaugh

Thursday, 29 June 2006

image for Pfizer Sues Rush Limbaugh Over Viagra Use
Rush Discovers New Benefits in Drugs

As if his constant battle with drugs weren't enough to irritate the bellicose radio host, Rush Limbaugh must now deal with a lawsuit from the Pfizer marketing department.

Limbaugh was recently detained by customs officials when he returned from the Dominican Republic with some unlabeled blue pills in his bags. In noting, "I was concerned about the next election, not my next erection," the pudgy pundit became a source of embarrassment to Pfizer, the manufacturer of Viagra.

Originally invented as another failed heart medication, Viagra gained notoriety when users discovered the unusual side effect of causing erections in males.

When queried by reporters who wanted to know how they tested the product, a spokesman said, "No animals were harmed in the development of this product, although the sheep are now a bit skittish."

As for Limbaugh, the spokesman said, "We make this stuff for guys who are suffering some performance issues at home, not for sexual athlete wanna-be's." If Rush has to leave the country to get some romance, tell him to use Cialis. We know this guy is a ticking time bomb and don't want him blowing up on our pill."

Whether this infraction will affect his current parole status was uncertain. Only a month ago, Limbaugh completed a deal with prosecutors to get them to dismiss a "doctor shopping" charge, provided he didn't get arrested for 18 months. The original charge was that Limbaugh had illegally deceived multiple doctors to get overlapping painkiller prescriptions. Limbaugh denied the charges but admitted he was addicted to painkillers.

County officials said that the sheriff's office was continuing its investigation and would soon turn this case over to somebody. The alleged violation could be a second-degree misdemeanor, if Limbaugh's doctor doesn't confirm that he had a prescription.

"Either way, we are keeping the "evidence" a smiling county official noted.

Meanwhile, Florida officials joyfully announced that the state has now become the largest consumer state of the "blue bullet."

One official pointed out, "It's kind of funny to see the Q-Tips (slender and bald men trimmed with white hair) walking down the beach when the pill kicks in.
Their bathing suits flare out and they look like those string kites we used to make as kids."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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