Written by poeticsatire
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Tuesday, 28 August 2012

image for Republicans Swallowed Whole by Giant, Flying Snatches

There are reports that male Republicans are being attacked and swallowed up by giant vaginas. The flying sex organs have been spotted in several major cities across the U.S. In what appears to be a kind of subversive sting operation, the female genitalia have stalked several Republicans known for their controversial views on abortion, rape and reproductive choice. Witnesses report that the large, oozing genitalia swoop down over their prey, use their multi-pronged labia to create a cage and then suck - by some mysterious force - the victim inside a dark womblike cavern.

One Republican who managed to escape had this to say:

"After I was forcibly taken in to the vagina's cavity the cervix appeared to shut down in an attempt to prevent my escape. However, I managed to slide through a narrow opening. I have consulted with doctors about this legitimate attack and on the basis of our findings I intend to legislate for even stricter control of these mysterious organs."

When asked to describe the interior structure of the giant snatches the survivor said the following: "The inner void had enough room for at least 30 of my colleagues."

It has been rumoured that the attacks are linked to underground feminist militia groups who reject the expert knowledge that certain politicians generously share about the female reproductive system. Several public representatives have called for a National Transvaginal Ultrasound Screening Programme to track down deviant, invasive vaginas and their dangerous owners.

A special hotline called Hot Pocket has been set up for members of the public who wish to report sightings of these creatures in their area. Hot Pocket say that citizens can identify transgressors by checking for the following attributes: An uninviting, spiky exterior, an oozing sticky substance (casually termed by some experts as "man trap"), and a frown-like appearance down the middle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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