Washington DC - (Associated Mess): The House of Representatives Homeland Insecurity Committee chairman Peter King has reacted badly to US press reports that a recent make-over by Hollywood stylists credited with Teri Hatcher's astonishing image upgrade has made him look a fool even by fellow Skull 'N' Bonesmen's standards.
Lashing out at New York Times story that the CIA has been secretly monitoring all the corrupt bank account transactions of the Bush Dynasty and of other Republican Bonesmen for the last forty years, King vehemently denied reports that spooks had busted him by bugging his Hatcher-style hair-piece using the latest controversial Sat-Nav technology implanted into his spectacles.
In a knee-jerk reaction exceeding even standard Republican congenital stupidity, King then called on President Bush to avenge the paper's slurs on Bonesmen's dynastic forefathers by charging the reporters, editor and publisher with treason.
"We're at war with Terra forgawdsakes! What would your father say if he found out the spooks have had him nailed since the Lee Harvey Oswald fantasy of November 1963?"
Meanwhile the newspaper's editor issued a statement revealing that the White House had pleaded with him not to further belittle Republican Bonesmen in the Bush Administration by publishing details of the CIA programme:
"I remain convinced that the Bush Administration's extraordinary access to this vast suppository of international financial data, however carefully targeted use of it may be, is a matter of public interest", he said as trickles of sweat continued to pour down King's cheek from the louse-hatchery rug covering his male-pattern baldness.
Last year the NYT revealed that the Bush Administration had caused outrage in the American Diabolical Liberties Union by bugging e-mails and telephone calls of US citizens without the customary court warrants specified by the country's Constitution.
Homeland Insecurity Department officials in King's department had retorted that it was the current President's constitutional right to do whatever he bloody well wanted to if the end result was the continuing successful cover-up of over half a century of Bonesmen's criminal atrocities perpertrated on American voters worldwide.
"I'm not going to take this suppository nonsense lying down", snarled King after being asked for a reaction to the NYT editor's statement, "and neither is the President."
Further developments are expected in the next few days.