BILLINGSGATE POST - As a countermeasure to Paul Ryan's plan to overhaul Obamacare, the White House announced today that the noxious cheese farts emanating from the butts of Wisconsin Cheeseheads in this dairy state will not be covered by what is known as Obamacare.
Citing that since 2001, the number of Wisconsin cows squeezing off methane farts has doubled twice and that Cheeseheads, both male and female, have made the problem even worse by farting at will outside the margins of common decency, Healthcare Czar, Kathleen Sebilius finally pulled the chain on the State of Wisconsin, announcing that starting immediately, Medicare will not pay for reboring bung-holes burned out by passing gas anymore.
In a recent paper published by Harvard fartologist, Dr. Roman Petite, the lower end of the alimentary canal, commonly called the bung-hole, was traditionally measured by inserting a shotgun shell up there. With the smallest adult measuring approximately the size of a 20 gauge shell, a medium-sized asshole, a 16 gauge, an extra-large asshole, a 12 gauge and a giant one, a 10 gauge.
Well, due to the proliferation of hardy cheese-eaters spewing more noxious tissue burning methane, these sizes have increased incrementally, requiring more and more proctological corrective surgery. Although the medical term for this surgery is called assholeblastectomy, the layman usually prefers to tell their friends they are having their bung-hole rebored.
Thanks to President Obama, Cheeseheads will now have to come out of pocket for this corrective surgery.
NOVEMBER ELECTION PROJECTION: Wisconsin goes to Romney and Ryan by a 10 gauge rimshot.