Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 16 August 2012

image for Woman Delivers Triplets While Bungee Jumping
A photo of Gretchen Ketzlinko before giving birth to triplets. (Photo by Ashton Kutcher).

CANON CITY, Colorado - Maddie Jo Ketzlinko, 27, and her grandmother Gretchen Batboxette, 73, were visiting the nationally famous Royal Gorge.

Mrs. Ketzlinko who is 8 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days pregnant told her granny that she wanted to bungee jump off the 1,053-foot tall Royal Gorge Bridge.

Her grandmother looked at her and told her that she was crazier than a mama hen with 19 hungry baby chicks.

Ketzlinko who in high school was named Girl Most Likely To Bungee Jump Off Of The Royal Gorge Bridge said that she had confidence that she would be alright.

Granny Gretchen told her that she was not worried about her, she was worried about the triplets she was carrying.

Maddie Jo paid her $20 and proceeded to get ready for her bungee jump. A reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight was ready to film the whole incident.

She counted down 3-2-1 and she went over the railing. As she hit the end of her bungee cord she bounced back up and was immediately brought back onto the bridge by the Bungee Jump manager and his assistant.

Just as they were untying her harness, Ketzlinko began hollering that she could feel a baby's head pushing against her biscuit (groin goody).

The Bungee Jump manager identified as Drake Baumbright, 51, said that he was trained in CPR and he proceeded to take off all of Maddie Jo's clothing and underwear since he knew that she was pregnant from the fact that her belly was protruding at least four feet out from her ample breasts.

Baumbright and his assistant, 16-year-old Joaquin Caramba, knew that they had to deliver the baby since there was no way they could transport her to Canon City Hospital in time.

And so the two men delivered one baby, and then a second, and then a third. Joaquin almost passed out from the site of the placentas.

He whispered to Baumbright that he had no idea that a woman's hooha could look so darn scary. Gretchen told him that she heard him and told him to shut the hell up before she starts screaming that he molested her during childbirth.

Joaquin apologized and said that he was just kidding and that her (blank) looked way prettier than Britney Spear's (blank).

SIDENOTE: Gretchen Ketzlinko named the three baby boys Drake in honor of Drake Baumbright, Joaquin in honor of Joaquin Caramba, and Barack in honor of President Barack Obama.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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