New York -- Nearly five years after the Twin Towers fell, a group calling themselves The Heart and Soul Committee announced today that they have selected the two buildings to be named what they call "The New Twin Towers." The committee is a self-selected group of New Yorkers who came together with the sole purpose of replacing the oft-missed Identical Twin Towers, "soul purpose," as they like to call it.
Peter Pfuffle, the designated spokesperson for the group gave a heartfelt plea for the city "poobahs" to hear the yearnings of the "people" of New York for an immediate replacement of their beloved icons. "I can't tell you how much we all miss looking up to the Twin Towers. We used to guide our day by the image of those soaring towers. They were such an inspiration to all we Americans hold dear. Now, there's just a hole in the sky, to say nothing of the mess still there." He began weeping when he further described how his, and all the committee members he "hastens to add," heart just breaks every day. I… am… we… are… crying out for help here." He composed himself to answer questions.
But Pfuffle became dodgy about which buildings were selected by the committee, "The IMPORTANT thing is that we HAVE selected, isn't it? We now have a replacement in our hearts and minds for our beloved towers. It's still under discussion as to which ones we'll choose, but I think the world won't be disappointed. Now, we'll be able to point to those two buildings with pride, no hole in the sky!"
However, when pressed Pfuffle did let it slip that the committee is leaning towards the Empire State Building, a "natural for New York" and the Statue of Liberty. Pfuffle became restive at this point, especially when problems were pointed out, such as the great distance between the two structures and, as well, that some may disagree about calling the statue a building. "Well, we haven't decided just yet, smarty. The committee is still working on it, but I can tell you that there is nothing more near and dear to the hearts of the world than these two icons. And anyway, what's the problem? Is it because Liberty is a woman?" Pfuffle broke out in tears again. "We try and we try, but we can't get around these prejudices."