TARBORO, North Carolina - Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, Mitt Romney's vice-presidential running mate pulled into Tarboro, N.C. on his Widow's Peak GOP Vice-Presidential Campaign Bus Tour.
Ryan spoke before a crowd of between 21 and 29 people, who had assembled in the parking lot of a Captain Cluckity Cluck Cluck's Chicken Shack Diner.
He told everyone that unlike the last GOP vice-presidential candidate Sarah "Polar Bear Balls" Palin he knows that the the continental United States consists of 48 states and not 43, like Palin thought.
He also wanted to point out that he knows that there are five Great Lakes and not just two like the "White Wilderness Woman From Wasilla" believed.
And Ryan made it perfectly clear that unlike what "Snow Plow" Palin thought, Hawaii is completely surrounded by water and is not bordered by California, Mexico, and West Virginia.
A person in the crowd yelled out for him to stop yapping about "Old Reindeer Hormones" and tell us something about himself.
"Fair enough folks." Ryan shouted out.
"Well my full name is Paul Davis Ryan. I am 42-years-old and I am an alcoholic."
The audience gasped in disbelief.
"Hey folks, just kidding about the drinking part." Ryan quipped. "I just wanted to pull your legs and make you feel like you're at home talking to your Uncle Cletis and Aunt Beulah."
He then said that he and his wife Janna love chamber music and that they have over 151 CDs by such chamber music artists as Franz Honeybarrel, Gustav Finchowitz, and Foxgang Vigginhouse.
He was asked if he likes country music.
"Sho nuff" came the reply.
"How about Flamenco music?" he was asked.
"Si señor, I lub dat kind of musica."
Someone then hollered out "How 'bout rap music?"
"Nope." Ryan remarked. "I have to be honest and admit that my honey and I both hate rap music. Now don't get me wrong we love basketball, football, and soul food. But we just aren't into rap music. I guess we just don't like the fact that each song has about 9,000 words and we can only understand 12 or 14 words tops."
A hush fell over the crowd that was roughly about 75 percent black.
Suddenly someone in the back started shouting out "O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA! O-BA-MA!" and it got louder and louder.
Ryan's chief aide Woody "Mozzarella" Swizkinbrick became very concerned for Ryan's safety and he suggested that he get back on the bus as quickly as possible.
He did and the bus quickly drove out of Tarboro at a very high rate of speed.