Written by Tawdry Soup
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Saturday, 11 August 2012

In a strange polling result conducted shortly after Mitt Romney plucked the doe-eyed Paul Ryan for his running mate, the number of straight men favoring the handsome duo can only be qualified as "through the roof" according to independent pollster and commentator Dottie Moreno.

Moreno added, "For a while it looked like the gay men favored Romney because of his prissy walk and dyed jet-black hair that tapered to grey around the edges making him look like an authoritarian Ward Clever. But since Romney is now chummy with Ryan, a clown straight out of the three-ring KKK circus known as the Tea Party, it looks like gay men have taken a hike, but their support was fairly soft anyway, kind of like Romney's excuses for not releasing his tax returns."

Further, Moreno states,"Representative Ryan, handsome in an Eb Dawson from the sit-com Green Acres sort of way, has a creep factor that is only exceeded by Romney's, and while gay men enjoyed Romney's fake hair, light in the loafers walk and good-natured foibles, seeing him grab a figurative spear and turn native on them by choosing Ryan as his running mate is frightening. It is also scary to minorities and even most women and senior citizens. In other words, these guys-of which neither has ever had to struggle with anything except getting on TV-are telling the world they are for the rich and if you don't like it, they may just kill you. I think the potential for a fascist state if they are elected is now very well-defined and not since 1930's Germany have we seen anything like this. It's not that they don't like entitlements like social security; they don't like the PEOPLE receiving the entitlements. But handouts for the rich are OK. And guess what? They are rich!"

Tawdry Soup was on the scene during the VP announcement in Norfolk, VA., where Romney exited the mothballed battleship USS Wisconsin with a shit-eating grin, looking every bit like he was leaving a public restroom after receiving a blow-job. A large number of dopey middle-class white people waiving cheapo American flags with looks on their faces that can only be described as "WTF am I doing here?" were standing around.

Tawdry Soup asked one bystander why he was there and the man said, "I would do anything for a free hot dog, but it turns out they only had a few dozen, and they are all gone by now-the homeless were scarfing them up like crazy. Must be those budget cuts Romney and Ryan keep talking about."

After the rally, Ann Romney, her hair professionally slut-tousled, and who supposedly suffered from MS, before enlisting a 3 million dollar horse to comfort her, looked down her nose at a young woman with cerebral palsy struggling to move out of the way of her diamond and gold encrusted entourage. Ann suddenly turned to Ryan walking next to her and loudly asked the congressman, who is now the object of her husbands burgeoning bromance, "Where do they get these people?" Ryan answered, "I don't know, but there'll be a lot less of 'em once me and Mitt take over."

As they began to share a high-brow cackle, Romney came up from behind and patted/hugged Ryan using a dominating type stance that would get him killed in prison. But Congressman Ryan, being the good old boy politician and GOP patsy that he is, gently pushed his buttocks into Romney's crotch as their partnership was carefully consummated under the watchful eye of the world media.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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