Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 9 August 2012

image for 'Who Told You I Am Bill Clinton's Daughter?' Kristen Stewart livid at rumor mill
Hands up anyone whose secret bit of leg-over fathered the Twilight star...

Los Angeles - A celebwatch site is sticking to its guns today after posting 'conclusive evidence' of the former President's paternity of Twilight Saga actress Kristen Stewart.

Some hysterical squabs - er...historical swabs! - which vanished mysteriously from the Lewinsky impeachment business are thought to be in the frame as investigative journos vie to be the first to nail the Clinton genome in the Hollywood A-Lister...

"Take Tom Hanks," the the editor of iconic West Coast website LA HagFagSlagMag.con said this afternoon commenting on the story, "who everyone reckons is the Comeback Kid's firstborn.

"There must be at least half a dozen others out there according to our sources - including Kate Winslet, who's Hillary's kid.

"Kristen's may be the prettiest but she's got Big Bill's proclivities writ large all over her, er, DNA profile.

"Wanna see pics of her and Monica before the secret, cuckoo-esque adoption that planted her in the Stewart family household circa 1990?"

Ken Starr is 104.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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