In a stunning announcement that confirmed the worst nightmares of many American lunatic fringe groups, President Bush announced a new system of government that will return America to a feudal system.
According to Bush, "It became obvious to me that the international corporations have pretty much bought up the governments of the USA, Canada and Mexico. The next step is to divvy up the spoils."
Asked to explain the "Turf and Serf" title, Bush noted, "Well, TURF means that wherever the really good places are that people might want to live, those now belong to the turf lords. These guys will use the new Supreme Court ruling involving eminent domain to take over the places they want. We can only hope that they won't resort to "turf wars", because the mercenaries we were using in Iraq could now be used here."
He went on, "SERF refers to the people we need to keep the place up. People will be assigned to a local lord, from whom they will get their food, clothes, etc. and be allowed to work for minimum wages. We need yard workers, pool boys, window washers and somebody to pick up the dog's poo."
When challenged that he had just given away the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness that most Americans cherish, Bush replied, "Hey, it's just like that privacy on the internet thing. It's gone. Get over it."
Canadian citizens also voiced displeasure saying, "We haven't finished fighting with the French yet, and now they want us to tangle with Mexico. Do they even have a word for "eh?" in Spanish?"
When it was pointed out to Bush that members of the American military who had risked their lives for the freedom of their families would take a dim view of serfdom, Bush replied, "Hell, they just want to get out of Iraq. 6 weeks stateside and they'll be willing to do anything we need them to."
When reporters noted that some citizens had begun to form groups focused on taking back the country he said, "With what? We have all the big guns, all the gas and thanks to Monsanto, all the food."