Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 7 August 2012

image for Roseanne Barr Running For President
Roseanne has said that if she is elected president her first official act will be to have the White House painted pink.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Roseanne Barr had just finished her last stand up comedy routine at The Laughing Beaver Comedy Club when she sat down with Tequila Tallyho of Left Coast Mirror Magazine.

Roseanne told Miss Tallyho that since she has been living on a remote macadamia nut farm in Hawaii she has really missed performing before live audiences.

She said that she had no idea that she would actually miss the stench of cigarettes, the pungent odor of spilled lower shelf drinks, and pricey hors d'oeuvres with strange exotic names like Croutons Ala Sushi, Tidbits of Tofu, and Fancy Fish Quiche.

The self-proclaimed "Domestic Goddess" stated that living with her ex-husband Tom Arnold was like being married to a pack of Cub Scouts.

She said that he was always asking her questions about the solar system, geography, and the reproductive habits of Gaboon Vipers.

Tallyho asked Roseanne about her political aspirations. Barr perked up and took a bite out of her triple pepperoni pizza. She said that she first decided to campaign for the presidential spot on the Peace and Freedom Party ticket after Texas Governor Rick "The Electric Chair" Perry dropped out of the race.

She giggled as she said that she has still not gotten over the amazing mess that Georgy "WMD" Bush left for Barack Obama to try and sort out.

Roseanne said that she has received thousands of phone calls, emails, text messages, and even two singing telegrams urging her to throw her hat into the ring.

And so she did and she was soon picked to be the candidate of the party known as PAF. When asked what the party's goals are she grinned and said that the goals of PAF are very simple - to make sure that everyone in America pays their fair share of taxes and not just the poor and the middle class.

She pointed out that out of the riches 400 companies in America, 291 paid under $700 in taxes for 2011.

Roseanne said that teen age girls who babysit paid more taxes than that.

Barr stated that she will campaign in every state except for Arizona. When asked why not in Arizona she rolled her eyes and replied "Because Arizona is hotter than hell!"

In News From LaLaLand. The state of California is in such a horrible financial situation that the state senate has passed a bill which will tax individuals living in residential areas $285 per each palm tree on their property.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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