A bus speeding northbound on Route 85 heading into Albuquerque, New Mexico lost control and careened off the highway, flipped over a guardrail and rolled down a steep embankment before coming to rest upside down at the bottom of a ravine. The bus rested on its back for about as long as the time it took for several motorists to stop their cars and exit them to peer over the embankment before it mysteriously blew up in a huge ball of flames killing all 28 passengers, the bus driver and the bus driver's blow up doll Sally.
After a thorough investigation by the fire department and police department it was determined, to the relief of all Americans, that no guns were involved in the incident.
"There were no guns on the bus. A report from the coroner's office had no mention of bullet holes or bullets. Everyone was killed in just one big fiery bus accident", stated Albuquerque Police Chief Danny Oversight. "This is a godsend I tell you. Things are very contentious in this country as it is now. I don't know if we could've handled another mass shooting spree. It looks like we're all off the hook except for the company who owns the bus. Our Christmas bonuses are safe for now at least".
Reportedly the Cherry Pickers International bus had left Albuquerque International Airport and was heading northbound on Route 85 on its way to Elliot's Cherry Farm when for reasons unbeknownst began speeding and recklessly weaving in and out of traffic as it progressed up the highway. After sideswiping several cars it lost control and careened over the guardrail and down the embankment.
Still the mood of the American public was that of relief and a bit festive seeing that this was not another mass shooting. Although, it was rumored that the bus was being chased by one of Mexico's drug cartels who were trying to catch up to it and shoot it full of bullets because all 28 of the bus's passengers belonged to a rival cartel.