Written by Lyndon
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Saturday, 4 August 2012

image for Harfold man puts gas prices into perspective, albeit not in a socially acceptable way
Finley will most likely be weaving baskets in the near future rather than working the pumps

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold resident Stan Finley, 49, came out the Harfold Gas & Supplies in a much different state than when he went in. He entered, just as he had any other work day, ready to run the cash register. He came out, however, with the help of the Harfold Police Department, cuffed and dragged to a cop car.

Although Finley isn't the first to lose his shit over a discussion about the rise the price of gas, it's the level of shit-losing that separated this incident from others.

When customer Bill Jeffers mentioned off-handedly that gas prices were out of control, Finley seemed to take the comment personally, laying into Jeffers with verbal, then physical abuse.

"I'd handed him the money for the gas," said Jeffers, "but instead of putting it the cash register, he threw it back at me and started ranting something like, 'Oh, but you'll pay $13.27 for a gallon of bottled water, right?

"'And your Starbucks chocolate ice cream is no less than $47.92 a gallon, you effin' moron.'

"I mean Stan just snapped."

Jeffers went on to explain how he had to run from the shop trying to avoid flying projectiles hurled by Finley.

"He hit me in the head with a can of Coke which, according to Stan, costs $16 a gallon."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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