Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 25 July 2012

image for US First Lady's diplomatic immunity status queried by London Games stewards
Spot the 'First Husband' - this pair would be both nicked for outraging pubic order

London - "If we catch her sneaking in an illicit jam sandwich or surreptitious non-indigenous kebab inside that designer First Lady's rucksack of hers there'll be hell to pay for, mate," Olympic Games stewards insisted today as news of the controversy broke.

An 11th hour diktat from Games organisers is cracking down hard on privilege assumptions accorded to the wives and husbands of international heads of state.

Codicils in the Vienna Convention on loopholes and fruitloops were famously tested last month when Syrian First Lady Asma 'Inhaler' Assad tried blagging her way into Barking International Airport with 60 kilos of concealed high octane Brazil nuts.

Border staff lawyers used the widely-respected 1986 Blenkinsop Ruling defining the status of a head of state's spouse as generally immune from prosecution 'for as long as you can't prove s/he's an actual crook'.
'
This weekend sees London feting some of the world's worst despots 'and their lawfully wedded' - like Svetlana Putin and Unity Mugabe, representing Zimbabwe and Russia [possibly the other way round? - 'Ed'].

Hospitality bosses are keen to avert a repeat of the tragic 1989 incident when Dennis Thatcher, husband of British Prime Monster Margaret Thatcher, was caught with a dodgy Mars Bar at Pyongyang Airport and charged with Marianne Faithfull-style outrages of public decency for importing a banned substance into the Communist state.

Another time Mrs Godiva Pinochet, wife of the former Chilean dictator, saw twenty kilos of frozen Argentine waffles confiscated from her Vuitton valise at Charles de Gaulle airport after exceeding generally accepted levels of permissible breakfast-fare smuggling into France.

Then there's Prince Philip, sordid nonagenarian consort of Elizabeth Windsor, who airdropped at 30,000 feet above the Atlantic a recalcitrant footman stuffed inside onboard carry-on luggage for some royal slight - imagined or otherwise - and later claimed the plummeting payload 'was just a pile of horrid blue ice'.

No prosecution took place, of course.

Speaking to reporters at lunchtime today the head of UK Diplomatic Protection Racket policing defined the latest immunity status credentials of visiting International Big Wigs and their Molls.

"We know who you are and we know what you've done," Commander Bert 'Eagle-Eyes' Hawkesclaw said in a firm voice.

"All pervs, perps and their relevant squeezes are subject to special Olympics policing rules.

"Anyone found breaking the said regulations will be invited to spend a few days inside one of those cable cars 60 foot above the River Thames with NO AIRCON, no Wi-Fi and only an 'outdoor lav'.

"The current temperature on Central London is unlikely to fall much below 35 degrees C."

Angela Merkel's husband Adolf Von Klapp-Trapp is 104.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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