The National Rifle Association's President Philip H. Sheridan and The US Little League's President and Chief Executive Officer, Stephen D. Keener, announced this morning the two organizations would be combining on a program to arm all members of the nation's Little Leagues with rocket launchers.
Mr. Sheridan was the fist to speak: "It is only a matter of when and not if, that the countries of Mexico and or Canada will invade our country to spread the evil of Sharia Law. Who better to guard us than the next generation of heroes, Little Leaguers!
Mr. Keener spoke next: "We are proud to have been selected by the nation's first line of defense, the NRA, to be partners in the protection of our country from the evils of Sharia Law or if necessary, our own evil laws! Remember, rocket launchers don't shoot down un-armed passenger airliners, people shoot down un-armed passenger airliners. Besides, you're not going to find any faggots in the Little League, you know, like in those, On my honor to do my best, Pansies!"
In related news, the press corps in the nation's capital is reporting that two semi-trailer trucks filled with cash arrived at the US House of Representatives office building and the Senate office building as Republican and Democratic lawmakers fought with each other to be the first in line. They reported hearing a red faced Speaker of the House John Boehner yelling, "We were here first, we were here first!"