The Super Scouts of USA in a late night meeting yesterday voted to only accept new members who have blue eyes and blond hair. Current members who are not of this description will be asked to turn in their uniforms, merit badges, and to never give the Super Scout salute again as long as they live.
A startled nation struggled to understand this turn of events in the nation's oldest youth organization. Part of the outrage stems from the fact the board further ruled that no young men would be accepted who had physical flaws including deformity, crippled, speech impediments, and nervous conditions of any kind. "There will be no exceptions," stated the board, "the boys have to represent a perfect youth, a master youth so to speak. We are breaking new ground here for a better America. Our new motto:
On our honor
We will do our best
To keep our purity
And to hell with the rest!
In related news, the Associated Press is reporting the directors have ordered new uniforms and arm bands from China. Delivery is expected in time for the first Youth Camp this summer.