Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Iraq, Washington

Thursday, 8 June 2006

image for President Bush Gets al-Zarqawi's Head

WASHINGTON DC (AP) The still warm head of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was put on a plane to Andrews Air Force Base just hours after US forces in Iraq killed the al-Qeada terrorist. President Bush interrupted his morning snooze to talk to reporters. "They tell me that Zarqawi guy got blowed up real good. Serves him right for causing my poll numbers to be so low. If it weren't for all the bombings in Iraq that al-Zarqawi set off, I'd be almost as popular a president as Hoover."

Bush continued, "I was having some cookies and milk with Karl Rove when they showed me a picture of al-Zarqawi. Boy, he really looked like a mess! My mother always told me to wash up before having my picture taken. Actually, I thought the picture reminded me of someone else I once saw… but those guys at the Pentagon never make a mistake about important stuff like that!"

Asked by reporters if he was concerned about the possibility that publishing a picture of the dead Jordanian terrorist might encourage the Arab world to view Zarqawi as a martyr, President Bush said, "Well I don't think he's a martyr. He's just another evil-doer that got what he deserved. I'll be taking Marine One over to Andrews in a few hours when al-Zarqawi's head arrives from Iraq. I'm going to check him out and then we're going to send him down to Texas to a taxidermist that's done a lot of work for my family. I think he'll look real good mounted… I might even hang him in the Oval Office."

"Mr. President, doesn't that seem a bit like gloating?" asked a reporter. "Well, maybe. But we've been on the trail of this Zarqawi evil-doer for several years now, and I think I'm entitled to gloat just a little---it's not like I'm saying ‘Mission Accomplished!' or anything silly like that."

As the president left the briefing room, he was heard to tell on of his aides, "Now you be sure we have the right fellow this time. I keep looking at that picture… I don't want to send the wrong head to the taxidermist."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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