Written by HollywoodLeek
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Wednesday, 18 July 2012

image for Anderson Cooper Gay, Rush Limbaugh Comes Out as Fat

Rush Limbaugh has finally made it official: He's fat.

The conservative radio show host has never publicly confirmed that detail until now, just a day after Anderson Cooper revealed his homosexuality.

Limbaugh made the announcement via his Friendster page, stating, "I'm fat. In fact, I'm obese, always have been, always will be. I was born this way, and I couldn't be more comfortable with myself…except when I'm in a movie theater, an airplane bathroom, or going up any type of stairway."

Liberals across the blogosphere are accusing Limbaugh of stealing the spotlight from Cooper.

Daily Beast blogger Andrew Sullivan, who first reported Cooper's coming out, called Limbaugh's statement an "inauthentic, self-serving attempt to upstage Cooper with his tremendous weight."

Limbaugh denies the accusation, saying the decision to come out happened early this morning when he was filling up his thermos with Ranch dressing.

"I've been in denial about my weight for a long time," Limbaugh said. "But today I decided I would no longer eat by myself, shut away in a dark closet or shoved into a corner booth."

Apparently the political commentator took a long, hard look in the mirror, ate one last package of uncooked bacon, and said to himself, "Rush, you're a big tub of goo and it's time to tell the world!"

No word on whether Limbaugh will ever come out as a bigoted asshole.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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