Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Mitt Romney

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

image for Mitt Romney Picks Former Mayor For Veep

No, it isn't Giuliani or Bloomberg, but following the example of John McCain, who selected the former mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Sarah Palin, as his veep, Mitt Romney has selected former mayor of Carmel, California, Clint Eastwood, as his veep. Recognized as an act of desperation, but one with a fist full of possibilities.

(Boo.)

His first choice was Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Romney arrived at her Georgetown home in Washington D.C., with charts, maps, campaign memorabilia and bumper stickers in hand: "A female on the ticket will capture all the other minorities or Obama's silent majority."

Hillary said no.

Jeb Bush followed Hillary's rejection. John McCain's came next. "Like I need that migraine all over again." Dick Cheney volunteered for another four years, boasting of a brand new heart, but Romney figured Halliburton might be too much competition for Bain Capital.

Powlenty had a bridge collapse in Minnesota after cutting his states budget; Rubio was Rubio; Santorum represented the Spanish Inquisition chapter of the Republican party; Jindal was still remembered side stepping out from behind the staircase; the transvaginal ultrasound candidate of Virginia became the "no way" transvaginal ultrasound candidate of Virginia.

Time was running out.

Near the end of his list and recalling the great response to the halftime Super Bowl commercial with Clint Eastwood, Romney traveled to Mr. Eastwood's home in Carmel, California, with charts, maps, campaign memorabilia and bumper stickers in hand: "A vote with Clint on the ticket will make everyone's day, except President Obama's."

(Boo.)

"Can I also promote the film I just finished while I campaign?"

"One of those olive-green bores about poor people living wasted lives in nowhere land? Yeah, sure, whatever."

Shaking on the deal, Romney's hand was crushed, sending him to the emergency and a right angle cast with his five fingers pointing straight up in a "high five" celebratory gesture.

Wearing identical outfits, (reported by the Campaign Dress Patrol) Romney's sons Bit, Fit, Sit, Wit and Zit were photographed signing his cast and agreeing that Clint Eastwood would make a marvelous addition to the ticket, "Skip the handshake."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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