Philadelphia, PA-- A local spinster has smoked marijuana for the first time in her life and says it gave her a nice buzz. Miss Vicky Smegma, aged 79, says the experience has changed her life and she urges all senior citizens to begin smoking weed.
Miss Smegma's unusual new habit began when she found an ounce of weed lying on the sidewalk on South Street.
"I was just strolling outside when I saw a stoned young man drop a baggie full of green buds on the sidewalk. I knew right away it was marijuana!" said Miss Smegma.
The friendless spinster was about to call the police when she suddenly changed her mind and decided to smoke the weed instead:
"My life is very depressing and pointless, what did I have to lose." said Miss Smegma. "Everyone thinks I'm weird anyway."
Miss Smegma says she took the weed home and made an impromptu pipe in her kitchen. She thinks she smoked 25 hits the first time, but doesn't remember.
"I just remember swirling around the kitchen and thinking how nice all the colours blended together. Then I ate everything in my refrigerator." she said.
The slacker senior citizen and retired English school teacher can't stop singing the praises of smoking marijuana.
"I get stoned with my pet French poodle everyday, and then we make love." said the strange woman. "The weed has brought us much closer together. I recommend it for everybody."