Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Saturday, 7 July 2012

image for Tired Of Your Itchy Ass-Hole? Vote For Mitt Romney This November

BILLINGSGATE POST - Suffering from erectile dysfunction? No Problem. Need an abortion? No Problem. Need sex change? No Problem. Need Penile Pump? No problem. Need new boobs, penis extender, nose job.....? No Problemo. However, if you are one of the unfortunate millions suffering from terminal hemorrhoids, Death Panel Director, Kathleen Sebelius, tells you to place your head between your legs and kiss your ass good-bye.

With last week's Supreme Court ruling that Obamacare is constitutional, the Department of Health and Services is hiring thousands of new employees whose job it will be to decide who lives and who dies. If you are elderly and disabeled, maybe in need of a hip-replacement or an angioplasty to help you along, grab your bar of soap and head for the great shower in the sky.

Those who worry that the health care bill will be paid for on the backs of the elderly and the disableled, who could be pushed into euthanasia and assisted suicide, now have company with the millions of Americans who suffer from terminal hemorrhoidal inflamation and/or disfiguring toe-nail fungus. You are T.O.A.S.T. Every last one of you, whether you have a swinging dick or a ramshackle ovary to complement your humanhood, will be subject to the rules and regulations of a death panel made up of latter-day-quasimodos who believe you should be put down rather than eat up precious heath-care money better spent on penile-pumps and nose-jobs for the down-and-out.

Though Dr. Billingsgate may be called a liar for calling it like it is, these accusers will discover that Obamacare did in fact create a panel of faceless bureaucrats who have the power to make life and death decisions about heath care funding. It's called the Independent Payment Advisory Board (IPAB). Its stated purpose is to keep costs down by actually denying care via price controls and typical inefficient bureaucracy.

FOOTNOTE: Tired of your itchy ass-hole? Vote for Mitt Romney to overturn Obamacare this November.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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