Written by Hydrogen Balloon

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Topics: Death, Facebook

Friday, 6 July 2012

image for Old Lady Loses All Her Facebook Friends To Death
Where Have All The Facebook Friends Gone, Long Time Passing...

Philadelphia, PA-- An elderly spinster from Philadelphia might be one of the unluckiest person who ever went on Facebook. Miss Vicky Smegma, 87, has lost all 167 of her Facebook friends in the last year. They have all died--every single one of them.

Miss Smegma went on Facebook for the first time two years ago. She thought it would be a fun way to keep in contact with friends, neighbors, former co-workers and her family. She had no way of knowing that her online activity would be fatal to everyone she befriended.

Miss Smegma's Facebook friends began dying off about twelve months ago. One day someone died from a heart attack, the next day someone else died from a stroke. None of the deaths were suspicious.

Many of the deaths were very strange. One Facebook friend died from spontaneous human combustion. Another Facebook friend was hit by a small meteorite. Someone else was smothered to death by their pet cat.

Miss Smegma began to feel very unlucky and she decided to de-friend her remaining Facebook contacts. This action only accelerated the mortality--and the violence. Her defriended friends began dying in car accidents, plane crashes, tornadoes and floods. Very soon, Miss Smegma was completely alone in the world.

No one seems to know why or how Miss Smegma fell victim to the Facebook curse. Someone at Facebook headquarters said it was all just a sad coincidence. Miss Smegma disagrees:

"I've lost everyone on Facebook, but haven't given up hope." said the lonely spinster. "Won't you be my new Facebook friend??"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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