Written by Chief Cheese
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Monday, 2 July 2012

BOSTON(July 1)-Mitt Romney, while railing against the Supreme Court's ruling in favor of 'ObamaCare' seems to be enjoying their ruling against the 'Stolen Valor Act'. The Court decided that law was unconstitutional, violating an individual's 1st Amendment rights. U.S. Citizens are now free to lie about their military service-or lack thereof.

Evidence of this turnabout is plain from Mr. Romney's recent speeches. During a recent whistle stop in Ann Arbor, Michigan, in front of the Future Taxpayers of America Annual Convention, Mr. Romney is quoted thus:

"I mean, who is this guy Barack Obama, really? During my 20's I was riding a bike around France, dressed up in my black pants and buttoned-down white shirt, being a Mormon missionary. Banging on people's doors, getting laughed at, or worse. That's how I was trying to change the World. It was a big sacrifice, friends, let me tell you; I was unable to join the Army, during the height of the Vietnam War. But those sacrifices need to be made by someone; I'm proud to say I made them. During his twenties Obama was wasting his life away. I mean, who knew what Apartheid was back then? So he was speaking out against it. Big deal. So what if he was a Columbia grad. It's not such a great school. Working as a community organizer. How presumptuous can you get?"

Shortly after the Court's ruling, Mr. Romney gave another speech about his military service, this time in front of the U.S. Conclave of Republican Historians. "I will say this about Mr. Obama: he cleverly arranged his own birth so that by the time he came of age, no wars were being fought by the U.S. Armed Forces, and thus he avoided military service. On the other hand, I made a big sacrifice, resigning my commission as a captain in the Army Green Berets. I was needed in France to help our Mormon mission there. While it's disappointing to me personally that we had little success in converting the French to the Mormon faith, especially when, every day, I saw my Army Captain's uniform hanging crisply in my armoire, I'm proud to say that I learned an important lesson from my time there.

"That lesson, my friends, is the value of personal sacrifice. I refused any sort of Army retirement. I gave up a lucrative career in business so that I could stand in front of groups like this today, promising to give my all for you, and promising to turn the finely polished gears of my mind to the problems confronting this great nation of ours. I mean, I could have been a billionaire now easily. Easily. Instead, here I am. What has Mr. Obama given up, really?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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