WASHINGTON, DC - In a surprise ruling, the US Supreme Court ruled that ObamaCare was Constitutional. Chief Justice John Roberts delivered the opinion which upheld the 2700 page bill. All of the Supreme Court Justices admitted that their judgements had nothing to do with what was written in the bill. At most, the cover and a dozen other pages of the legislation got a brief skimming. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia appropriately invoked the Eighth Amendment to the Constitution, which forbids cruel and unusual punishments, as grounds for not reading ObamaCare.
Assistants to the Justices revealed that President Obama was lucky that the court's ruling was only about it being "Constitutional." An unofficial 9-0 decision unanimously described ObamaCare as "2700 pages of steaming BULLSH*T from brain-damaged LSD freaks on a power trip."
After President Obama appointed Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court, the process of judges rendering verdicts without reading anything or listening to evidence became accepted process. President Bill Clinton skillfully demonstrated the changing American legal processes in 1998 with the following quote:
- It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is.
The supremacy of Federal government includes the power to define definitions: War is Peace. Hate is Love. Ignorance is Strength.
Nearly everyone was in shock when Justice Roberts sided with the Liberal opinion. One person, however, was not surprised - the Roberts' housekeeper.
Carmelita, Maid: It was very early on Monday morning that I knew Senor Roberts would support Obama. I heard screaming like a blonde woman in a Halloween movie. When I went upstairs, Senor Roberts was pointing at a severed horse's head on his pillow. I was lucky because all of the blood stayed on the bed. Our gardener was very upset because he had to dig a very big hole in the nice lawn to bury animal remains.
With the Obama administration's success in the Supreme Court, Americans can expect Washington DC to exercise their power of "Convenient Supremacy" on a near-daily basis. The Sinaloa Drug Cartel in Mexico issued a press release following ObamaCare's last minute rescue.
Miguel the "Razor", Professional Assassin: The "Chicago Way" is pretty good, no? They said they had offers that the Judges not refuse. When we heard "Fast and Furious" would no longer give us thousands of machine guns, we were quite disappointed. Now that everything Obama does will be Constitutional, Eric Holder says we can get anti-tank missiles as long as we promise to "fix" Arizona.
While Obama may "own" the Courts now, political analysts say he needs to do everything he can to guarantee his reelection. The assassinations of Osama bin Laden and the American-born Anwar al-Awlaki raised Obama's poll numbers almost immediately. The Presidential Right to Assassinate Americans and the President's Secret "Kill List" have become legal powers that could sway the 2012 election more than Obama's Billion-Dollar campaign fund. Several strategists on the political left say that President Obama could use a few dozen well-timed assassinations to get his approval ratings over 60%.
Democratic National Committee members that worried over their huge election losses in 2010 have their confidence back for 2012, saying that now the Supreme Court knows who's boss, any court challenge to election results are going to be in Obama's favor.