Written by Adam Click
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Saturday, 23 June 2012

image for Alfred Frickin, 102, Philanthropist
Alfred Frickin was Grand Marshal of a parade held in honor of his 100th birthday. The Frickin Parade lasted six hours.

Frickin,Ohio- Alfred Frickin, the most widely know Philanthropist of the past century passed away peacefully while flying cross-country in his Frickin Lear Jet. Among other things Mr. Frickin is credited with building over 2,000 libraries in cities across the south and in northern Canada.

His acts of charity were so well know that his name even appeared in the lyrics of the hit Broadway Musical, The Music Klan by Edgar Gein: "He left the city the library books, but he gave the Frickin Library building to me!"

"He practically built this town. you can't go anywhere without seeing his name on something." explained Kraft MacCheese, Mayor of Alfred's hometown, Fricken, Ohio. "There's the Frickin Library of course, but there's also the Frickin Hospital, the Frickin courthouse, the Frickin Police Station, the Frickin Boys School and the Frickin Jail. There's even a Frickin Hockey Arena, for cripes sake!"

Born to strict Quaker parents, Alfred credited his father, David Frickin-Bastard, for his success. He once told a reporter that his father used to say: "If you're going to live in this Fricken House, you had better obey our Fricken Rules!"

Still it wasn't easy growing up. As a Frickin kid he was subjected to endless ridicule and as a result Alfred got in all sorts of trouble.

It was only through the influence of his father that he avoided going to the Frickin Boys School himself.

"Parents used to tell their kids, "I don't want you playing with that Frickin boy.". It was hard to overcome things like that. Let me tell you. I worked my Frickin fingers to the bone to get where I am today, and that's no Fricken Lie!"

Mr. Frickin will be laid to rest in the Frickin Crypt, in the Frickin cemetery. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you give to the Frickin Charity of your choice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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