Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 19 June 2012

image for Mitt Romney Says If Elected President He Will Allow All of His Mormon Relatives From Mexico To Come To The U.S. No Questions Asked
Mitt Romney says that his favorite Mexican food is barbecued enchiladas.

NAUGATUCK, Connecticut - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour made a stop in the lovely New England town of Naugatuck, Connecticut.

Naugatuck is noted for being the home of the fuchsia-breasted sap sucker, an unusual bird that can suck the entire sap out of a five month old sapling in 17 seconds flat.

Romney spoke to the crowd that had gathered in front of Hannah's Hair Salon and Diet Duck Diner.

He proudly talked about the fact that Connecticut leads the nation in total number of American Idol audition participants, as well as in people whose last names end in the suffix Ford such as Sippingford, Piperford, and Onionford.

Romney then said that on the negative side, Connecticut was number two in the nation, behind Arizona, in politicians who are prone to flip-flopping, a subject that is near and dear to his heart.

He assured the crowd that if they help to elect him to the White House that he will immediately go into therapy to get his addiction to flip flopping cured.

The crowd erupted in exuberant chants of "THER-A-PY! THER-A-PY! THER-A-PY!"

One of the crowd members asked Romney to comment on the fact that he has lots and lots of relatives who are citizens of Mexico.

Romney raised his eyebrows and said that he cannot lie. He replied that it is true that he does have about 40 relatives who reside in a Mormon community named Muchas Esposas (Many Wives), which is about four hours south of El Paso.

He was quick to point out that everyone of his relatives speak perfect English, all have jobs, all love the NBA, and all watch either Leno or Letterman on their satellite dishes.

Romney was asked to address the issue, which was brought up by Vice-President Joe Biden, that if elected he has said that he plans on allowing all of his 40 relatives from Mexico to enter the United States and become instant citizens.

He smiled as he took a sip from his bottle of diet water and replied that Joey Biden is correct.

He then went on to say that he will allow them all to come over through a special One Time Only Presidential Illegal Alien Allowance Program.

They will all immediately become U.S. citizens bypassing any immigration laws, migratory mandates, citizen tests, or probationary periods, no questions asked.

"No questions asked?" asked a little blue-haired, frail-looking woman who appeared to be in her mid 90s.

"That's right granny. Read my luscious lips. NO QUES-TIONS ASKED!"

Romney said he had to end the meeting because he had to board his bus and head over to Woonsocket, Rhode Island, the state that is so small that it could easily fit on Governor Rick "The Electric Chair" Perry's Texas ranch.

SIDENOTE: Mitt Romney has said that bringing his relatives over from Mexico is not a question of nepotism more than it is a question of wanting them to get the heck out of Mexico where summertime temperatures can reach as high as 110 degrees in the sombra (shade).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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