House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) will be going through an experimental surgery next week. The procedure, developed by Dr. Spina Bifida, will implant a cybernetic spine into the Speaker of The House.
The procedure is expected to last 5 hours and will require removing the speaker's weak spine and replacing it with a fully cybernetic spine that will increase his posture and make him stand firm against political opposition. Dr. Bifida stated, "The Speaker should be able to walk erect like a man should and he should be able to withstand blistering political opposition to GOP policies. " She further added, "This will also decrease the bouts of tears from the Speaker when he gets emotional while talking about seeing America becoming strong again."
The cybernetic spine was developed with assistance from Cyberdyne Inc. and cost taxpayers nothing. Cyberdyne spokesperson Dan Trix stated, "Even though Cyberdyne has spent millions of dollars developing the spine, we feel that inserting it into the Speaker of the House could outweigh the costs of development. This is our gift to the Speaker and the American people."
Opponents to the procedure include Senator Harry Reid and House Minority leader Nancy Pelosi. Spokesperson for both politicians stated, "Should the Speaker get a stronger backbone, we will lose our grasp on our respective parties and we will lose everything we fought so hard to force on the American People. All those policies we rammed through the House and Senate will become null and void if the Speaker gets a stronger backbone."