Written by Evan Essence
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Topics: Congress, Washington

Saturday, 20 May 2006

image for Congress to Place Internment Camp for Immigrants on Ellis Island

Washington D.C. -- When asked how a small internment camp to be placed on Ellis Island will provide a Final Solution to the problem of over 10 million illegal immigrants living in the US, Senator John Ensign (R-NV) is said to have replied, "We will have to keep the ovens hot all the time."

"We are not sure what all this anti-immigrant hysteria is about", said Bert Viscolli of The American Fruit and Nut Growers Association, in Fresno, California. These migrant workers may not pay any taxes, but they are the ones who put the food on our plates. The slaves in Colonial America didn't pay any taxes, but nobody advocated deporting them. They were the backbone of the Colonial economy."

"I know we call them ‘Guest Workers', but admittedly we don't treat them as guests," Viscolli said. " Since they are illegal, we don't bother to pay them the minimum wage. They get $3/hr, if lucky. Sometimes we refuse to pay them until the job is done. Which means they may have to work 5 days, at a time, without eating, until they get paid…sleeping in unheated sheds, with no restrooms, during the cold of winter. They work 13 hour days, doing backbreaking work, and even if they are sick, we have them working all the time, or they don't get paid."

"We don't know what we would do if they were all deported. We recently tried to negotiate with some UAW workers, laid off from a GM plant closing, to come to California and pick grapes. But they wanted $27/hour, vacation time, 401K plan, and worst of all, health insurance, and time off for illness or injury. If we tried to pass that cost on to the consumer, at the supermarket, it would be 10 times greater than the largest tax increase in history."

Harvard politcal science professor, Barney Hampton, remarked, "With Bush's popularity at an all-time low, this anti-immigrant hysteria is nothing but an election-year, act of desperation, by the Republicans. You won't hear a word about it after the election. The angry pundits of right-wing hate radio, have nothing to rail about, to get Republicans to the polls. The Bush administration has sold out conservatives, by becoming the biggest deficit spender in history, running the most corrupt administration in history, and becoming the ultimate proponent of Big Brother and Big Government….something that goes against the most basic libertarian values of most conservatives. The only thing they can do, to get conservatives excted enough to go to the polls, is foment hysteria about harmless immigrants. It worked for Adolf Hitler and it could work for the GOP, in the upcoming election."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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