Written by Oleg the Tumor
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Topics: Cannabis, Zombies

Thursday, 14 June 2012

image for Zombies Linked to Cannabinoid Deficiency - Five-Year Study Finds
I get the interceptions around here. Not you.

Baltimore, Maryland - a new study has been released by Hopping Johns medical researchers, linking natural plant cannabinoids with the immune system's ability to defend against Zombies, announced Dr. Hunson Bunnydew, Chairman of the Department of Immunology at Hopping Johns.

"The rate of Zombie-ism in this country is skyrocketing," the Nobel laureate explained,

"Simply put, if you remove something from the environment, it cannot help your immune system because it is gone."

Cannabis was removed from American agriculture in 1937.

"Before that, it [cannabis hemp] was quite common in America, in fact, it was the largest cash crop in the state of Kentucky for over 150 years. The plant contains hundreds of cannabinoids which must be researched in order to treat this syndrome correctly," he said.

"Getting everyone's blood level up to the point where they can tell the Zombies from the Congressmen will take some time. That's the Presidents problem."

"But some zombies are doing it on purpose, you know that? They don't want to be cured. They want to be President."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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