Washington, DC -- In a move democrats decry as an attempt to win favor with his conservative base, President George Bush today mobilized The Girl Scouts of America and The Boy Scouts of America to patrol the borders and stem the flow of illegal immigrants. With the National Guard stretched to its limits in Iraq, President Bush informed the American public that he was calling up the youth of America to serve and protect. "We'll leave no child behind," Bush declared optimistically as he extolled the virtues of young eyes seeking out those trying to slip across the border and settle in the United States without going through proper immigration channels.
The National Security Agency backed President Bush's call up of the troops as a "wise and studied decision". "They have uniforms and knives," one insider declared, "and an organization that can sell millions of cookies."
"Damn good cookies for damned good Americans," President Bush confirmed. Though he did admit that the Vice President was not allowed to have Girl Scout cookies due to health reasons, President Bush declared that most in the White House had purchased cookies and forced relatives to buy them as well.
While parents have expressed concern for their youngster's safety so far from home, many parents have admitted that the border probably is safer than the schools many children attend. "It will be like an extended Jamboree," one parent commented, "with the added benefit of learning a second language first hand."
President Bush hastened to add that no Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts would be forced to learn a foreign language, and their role on the border would be strictly reconnaissance related. However, Girl Scouts would be allowed to sell cookies should those seeking sanctuary have access to American money. President Bush did urge the girls not to accept pesos as the exchange rate would not work in their favor.
Democrats on the hill reacted to President Bush's plan to mobilize the troops with stunned silence.
It is unknown, at this time, how the government plans to provide chaperones for the children called to duty. It is believed, by many White House insiders, that Michael Brown, recently of FEMA, will be arranging ground support.
After the President's address, one Girl Scout interviewed openly wept as she said, "I only wanted a merit badge..."