Written by Oleg the Tumor
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Monday, 11 June 2012

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The Lake Is Safe (except for the fish)

A "deep audit" of Chicago municipal employee records has revealed a bizarre surprise: Chicago has been funding a "Night Lake Inspector" position for over 30 years.

The only problem? There's nobody there, and never was. The position was created during the reign of "Hizzoner" Richard Daley to reward a party boss for beating heads during the Democratic National Convention in 1968.

Columnist Mike Royko suspected this was going on, but was never able to prove it. His "insider", a worker at City Hall, was given the name "Slats Grobneck" in his columns. Grobneck is said to have been a maintenance man who passed away in 1990.

The revelation is compounded by some disturbing facts: pay records show money going down both Democratic and Republican drains in the ensuing years.

So why wasn't this stopped before the recent audit?

Because this is Chicago, where ghosts still get respect if they can produce.

With the former governor in jail, it could've been worse.
But the examination at City Hall continues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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